NEVER CROSSED MY MIND

Never crossed my mind
That I’ll wake up from this long reverie
Never crossed my mind
That now I have to face reality

Never crossed my mind
That I’ll be talking to it right in the face
Never crossed my mind
that struggling I will be

Never crossed my mind
that I’m capable of such reaction
Never crossed my mind
that I have that deep affection

Never crossed my mind
that the numbness I have would create such impression
Never crossed my mind
that attachment to the impression will lead to such affection

Never crossed my mind
that I will have this reaction to such passion
Never crossed my mind
that I will be ridiculously senseless

Never crossed my mind
that no matter I affirm of the love I have borne to have
… I will respond this way to such utterance of one very deep feeling
Never crossed my mind
That as I deny what I feel I will utterly be this insane
…as I fret about the what if’s, and the should’ves

Never crossed my mind
That I will be this harshly affected
Never crossed my mind
That it’d be this long and lingering

Never crossed my mind
That I will be seeking for help as I struggle
Never crossed my mind
That I’ll proclaim, shout, cry, detest, repulsed to it

What crossed my mind
Is that something I wouldn’t know will happen to me
If I will truly declare what I have inside
I was fearful, I was ashamed, I was disgusted
But I felt relieved… then,
now I felt disturbed, aaaaahhhh!

What crossed my mind
And I know of it
Is that all I did was to express my affection …
Love I knew not where it borders
But I believe it is inside me
Waiting, wanting to be announced
It is inside me as I have experienced it
From the love people borne for me

Never crossed my mind
That I will be this humanly crazy
in this crazy worldly affection
but…

What crossed my mind
even before I felt this craziness
is that forever I will be loved
by Someone truly faithful,
unconditional, non-constraining, freeing
a love forever there to fill me until I want no more.